The Sorrow Inside
by YumiBlossom
Summary: Shigeru is heading home from his researching to find him alone home. Things only get better when he finds out that Satoshi is also staying home right now... could he be able to tell him? Palletshipping - Rated M to be sure!


**This is my first story, so be nice to me!!! I know I have bad english xD …. and enjoy~**

**  
I DO NOT OWN POKÉMON, SHIGERU OR SATOSHI, they all belong to Satoshi Tajiri!**

_________________________

_---The Sorrow Inside--- _

"Finally back at Pallet Town" Shigeru said and let out a sigh of nostalgia. "I haven't been here since..." Not finishing his sentence he looked down at the ground smiling and then back on the town again and began slowly to walk from the wood. He had traveled for a couple of months now and one day he decided to take a break and rest for a little while in his hometown. He didn't know why he suddenly wanted a break, but something in his brain felt dizzy all of a sudden and he couldn't think clearly and always ended up thinking about a certain person, his chest hurt since that time he last were home. Satoshi was also home at that time and since then something had been missing in Shigeru's heart... he wasn't whole after that, like the old times had returned that he missed so much when Shigeru and Satoshi were still best friends. They had sneaked out in the middle of the night and walked together to the river. And the whole night, or it felt like that, they had talked about so many things about each other that they didn't know about, like how their journey began and what they've been through on it. Shigeru didn't have that much to talk about, but Satoshi's journey really had been an adventure. It ended up that Satoshi fell asleep on Shigeru's shoulder in the middle of his story.

Shigeru stopped and covered a hand over his face. Just remembering it made him blush and his heart beat faster.  
"Damn that Satoshi that do this to me" Shigeru said as he began to walk again still holding his hand over his face. It was nice to be back again. Spring in Pallet Town was really beautiful as always. The trees and flowers would likely spring out while he was here. Shigeru passed Satoshi's house, and like always in this season his mother was out and took care of her garden. She noticed Shigeru and waved at him. He waved back and gave her a little smile. Something in him was disappointed, but of course Satoshi wouldn't be home just because he was. Even though he had hoped for it and that they could have fun again.  
"What am I?" Shigeru shaked his head "I am 15 years old and disappointed because one of my friends isn't home and can play with me... really, I need to grow up" Shigeru laughed for himself. "But... he is actually my only real friend, so maybe I am not that immature after all"

At his house, or you could call it more a lab than a house, he lived with his grandfather who was a professor that studied pokémon. Thanks to that he also wanted to become a professor who studied pokémon and stopped being a pokémon trainer. That meant also that he and Satoshi weren't rivals anymore and they could be friends once again. Just thinking that brought a smile to his face. Shigeru noticed that his grandfather wasn't home so he had the whole house for himself. He was alone again just when he thought he wouldn't be it. He sat down in a chair at his grandfathers desk. Books and papers were everywhere and he found a letter for him. Shigeru had called his grandfather and told him that he was heading home and wanted to stay for a little while.  
_  
Welcome home Shigeru!  
Unfortunately I and Kenji won't be home for a couple of days, _

_something came up that I must research on...  
Sorry, I had hoped that I would be home and_

_welcome you back instead of a bit of paper.  
You know that if you want me something you_

_can always call me and please take care of the _

_pokémons in the garden._

// Thank you

To do something like this was just so typical of his grandfather. Whenever he was home from his journey to become a pokémon researcher, there was no one at home who could welcome him back and tell him how hard he had worked and listen to his progress. Everyone expected him to always be good and never fall behind and one day maybe even become better than his own grandfather. Just by a habit, Shigeru turned the paper and noticed that there was something written on the backpage too.  
_  
Oh, and before i forget...  
Hanako told me to say that Satoshi is also _

_heading home and will stay for a little while. _

_You could always go and see a movie _

_together like you used to do.  
You know where there are money if you_

_don't have any.  
_

Shigeru just stared at the paper he was holding. This couldn't be for real, Satoshi would also be home at the same time as he was. Maybe there was something like fate after all, Shigeru thought. If he just knew which day he would come home, then he could... Shigeru stopped, why was he taking this so seriously? It was just a friend who he hadn't meet for a long time, not a love... wait, why was he thinking that!? Shigeru buried his head in his arms, something inside him told him that this time, meeting Satoshi again, would be different for some reason.

An alarm rang, the clock couldn't be more than 5 o'clock. Shigeru looked sleepy up and searched for where his grandfather could have placed the alarm. He found a clock on a shelf a bit from the bed and stumbled over there to stop the annoying sound that was coming out from it. Beside the clock was another note his grandfather had written.

_Sorry again that I must wake you up so early _

_in the morning, but some of the pokémon needs _

_food this early._

_Could you give the beginner pokémon the food _

_on this shelf? The pokémon is in the pokéballs _

_in my room. They can't be in the garden if their _

_level would raise. Because it would be unfair _

_for the new trainers if some of the beginner _

_pokémons level is over 5._

// Thank you once again Shigeru

Shigeru sighed. He couldn't even sleep for a long time home. Well, what else could he do other than what his grandfather had told him to do. He took the food and walked to his grandfathers room. It was dark in there. Shigeru wondered were the light buttom where and started to search on the wall. He finally found it and saw right away 3 pokéballs in the middle of the room. This was the same room where he got his first pokémon, Squirtle, that now was a Blastoise. He let out the pokémons who was inside the pokéballs. A Bulbasaur, a Charmander and a Squirtle just as always.  
"I wonder who in this town that will be a pokémon trainer this year" Shigeru said and smiled.  
After he had feed the pokémon and let them in in their pokéballs again he walked to the kitchen to find something to eat. Like always there weren't much food in there, just toast, butter and some cheese. His grandfather always thought too much on the pokémons instead of himself so he often forgot to buy food and almost everytime he ended up eating toast instead of real food.

While Shigeru was eating, the doorbell rang, and Shigeru ate up the last in one bit and swallowed the rest of the toast with milk. The doorbell rang twice this time and the person sounded more inpatient. Shigeru was finally at the door and opened it.  
"Oh, Shigeru... Hi! Long time no see"  
There, in the door, stood Satoshi and smiled at him. Shigeru felt that his face began to burn when he found himself standing there without a shirt and Satoshi looked at him.  
"Hello there Satoshi-kun. What brings you here?" Shigeru tried to sound calm.  
"Well, you see... I came here to talk to Professor Ookido about the new pokémon in Shinn-"

"He is not here."

"O-okay... do you know when he will be back?"  
"In a few days..."  
He really hated to be like this, but when Satoshi came here for someone else he always ended up jealous for some reason. He couldn't understand why he began to sulk, but when he did he always sounded more annoyed and irritated than he was.  
"Did something happen Shigeru?"  
"Eh? … no why do you ask?" Shigeru was a bit chocked that Satoshi asked that. He had never cared about that before, but now the looked at Shigeru with his head tilted to the right side.

**  
**"Can I come in?" Satoshi suggested.

"Erhm, if you don't have nothing else to do... sure." Shigeru scratched the back of his head. This really wasn't how he thought he would start the morning, but he was smiling and that meant he was happy. "How come you are up so early in the morning, Satoshi?" Shigeru tried to start a conversation.  
"Mom kinda... kicked me over here." he started to laugh a bit unsure and this time it was he who scratched the back of his head.

_Awkward silence_

"Come to think of it, where is Pikachu?" Shigeru looked around the room after the yeallow mouse pokémon but couldn't see it.  
"Oh, yeah... he didn't feel like go up this early in the morning and mom didn't want to wake him up either because he slept."  
"I see."

_More silence_

Shigeru couldn't think of something to say like he always could, nothing to tease Satoshi with or something they could do. Why was he so nervous all of a sudden?  
"Shigeru..." Satoshi started "Isn't it cold to go like that this early in the morning?" he said as he pointed at Shigerus bare chest. "it's not summer yet." Satoshi laughed.  
Shigeru felt how his face began to burn even more. "Um, yeah... can you wait here until I have fetch a shirt?" Shigeru didn't wait for an aswear, he just have to come away from Satoshi as soonest as possible. His head was spinning with pictures with Satoshi and he couldn't think straight. He runned up the stairs and opened his room while he sat down on his bed.  
"Why damnit!? What is happening to me?"

"Weren't you going to dress yourself?"  
Shigeru looked startled at Satoshi who had come inside his room.  
"I have waited almost half an hour now and thought that something might have happened..." Satoshi looked around in Shigerus room a bit clueless. "But looks like nothing happened here, maybe except for something inside you?" As Satoshi said that he had walked over the room and sat down next to Shigeru on his bed, looking at Shigeru with a serious look. "Will you tell me?" Shigeru let out a sigh. "You catched me this time. He said and smiled. "And I will if you stay and listen to all I have to say, promise?" Shigeru looked Satoshi deep in the eyes and Satoshi nodded and Shigeru looked down on the floor and closed his eyes.  
"I have thought a lot about something while I sat here and finally come to understand it. I..." Shigeru forced himself to lift his eyes from the floor and look at Satoshi while he said it. He wanted to see his reaction. "... love you." First Satoshis eyes wideened and it looked like he wanted to say something, his mouth moved but nothing came out. So Shigeru continued. "I know it sounds kinda weird that your friend who is a guy tells you, who also is a guy, this. But that is the truth and I can't stand be with you and act as if I feel nothing and that you know nothing, that would be unfair for both of us." Shigeru didn't no longer know what he said and just waffles the first things that camed to his mind and closed his eyes. "I'm just worried that after you know all this... you don't want to be my friend or see me again, but I can accept that." Shigeru finished. He didn't dare to open his eyes, he didn't want to se Satoshis reaction anymore and closed them as hard as he could and was getting prepared for the worst. Maybe a punch in his face or was he going to throw insults at him. He didn't care about that, just not a laugh, he hated when people laughed at him because he was gay. People didn't understand why a human could love the same gender. But none of that happened.

"Um... I..." Satoshi tried to find the words. "I don't know what to say... I have never thought about you in that way." Shigeru was chocked that Satoshi had taking it better than he ever hoped. He maybe acctually could begin to love him back after this? "I must say that... I don't feel the same, sorry." Shigeru closed is eyes slowly and felt the pain in his heart grew stronger. Who could he fool? Of course Satoshi wouldn't love him back how much he ever wished for it. He felt his eyes began to burn, but he didn't give in and show himself that weak. It was enough that he had embaresst and humiliated himself infront of the one he love. "Though, I still want to be your friend." Satoshi tried to sound encouraging and comforting to lighten up the mode, but failed.  
"I don't want to be just your _friend._" Shigeru cried and looked at Satoshi who was looking down on the floor now.  
"What about my best friend?" The raven haired said and looked up with a gentle smile. "Because that is what you are." Shigeru groaned. "Why can't you just accept that I love you!?" Shigeru almost screamed in frustration and tears was visible in his eyes.  
"I do accept it."  
"Then why are you trying to avoid the subjekt?" Shigeru had to look down to hide his tears that ran down his face now, but his voice was still steady. Why couldn't he had hold back his tears? Why must he cry now? He who always was so calm no matter what.  
"... you see, I could never imagine that you loved me. It's just that..." Satoshi began but was cut off.  
"It's just what?!" Shigeru raied his head and stared into Satoshis eyes. "Gross? Disgusting? Is it that abnormal that a guy can like another guy!?"  
"I didn't meen it like that, I... don't like guys and... well you know, me and Kasumi-"  
Shigerus world broked down as Satoshi meantioned Kasumi, he didn't and couldn't listen anymore to his loves words as he continued why he and Shigeru couldn't be together. He didn't even notice when Satoshi stopped and looked at him. Only when Satoshis hand was placed on his cheek and stroked him lightly and uncertain.  
"You know... there are other guys who is better than me and surely would love you as much as you deserves. I can't and I am sorry for that... but I still want to be your friend, so you don't have to worry about that anymore." It was first now Shigeru understand that Satoshi tried to be nice and had bad conscience and really tried to make it up for him, but the gentle stroke on his cheek pulled the trigger.

Without none of them knowing how it happend, Shigeru was on top on Satoshi and looked down in his brown eyes. They really are beautiful and Shigeru felt him being sucked in them.

"Shigeru, what are you doing?" Satoshi sounded confused and was it panic in his voice? Anyway, Shigeru could not stop himself anymore and covered the young trainers lips with his own. Satoshi pushed underneath him on his chest and tried to break the kiss, but it was useless. Shigeru pulled upp the black haired boys arms over his head and hold him still with a tight grip. He began to lick on the lips to get entrance, but Satoshi only pressed his mouth hard together. When he didn't get a entrance he shifted his hand so he only hold both Satoshis hands with one and started to feel over his loves body but didn't break the kiss. If he did Satoshi would only begin to shout at him and he would be draged in reality again. His hand maked it's way down so he could feel the younger boys muscles, all that walking and traveling really had paid off. The raven haired gasped as he touched one of his nipples. There he got his chance and succeded an entrance. The feeling of the touching tounges was mind blowing and the reaserchers hand found the way inside the shirt so he could feel his bare skin. Even if Satoshi didn't returned the kiss, Shigeru continued. He left the chest and walked down to the boys thights instead. While he unzipped the pants and made his way in Satoshis boxers he began to feel a little dizzy in the head of lack of air.

He wanted this so badly that he forgot what he really was doing and thought he never would do. It was first when he broke the kiss to get air and moved his head over to Satoshis neck and begin kissing there that Satoshi could speak. "Do you know this is called rape?" Satoshi panted beneath him trought his breath. Those words made Shigeru stop his actions. It was true. Satoshi was right, Shigeru acctually tried to rape him. While he realized it he let Satoshi go and backed up against the wall on his bed.  
"I... I'm sorry! I didn't meen to... do this to you." Satoshi sat up in the bed and looked at Shigeru who hide behind his knees.  
"Shigeru... I... " but even if Satoshi tried to say something... anything, what could he say? What Shigeru had done was done and was unforgivable.  
"Sato... go home."  
"But..."  
"Please, just leave me alone." Shigeru looked up at the last thing he said and had a pleading look. Satoshi walked out of the house and didn't look back once. He couldn't look at Shigeru when he looked like that, like his whole life had no meaning anymore.

Shigeru was still sitting on his bed and though about what had just happened, what he had done. Even if Satoshi said it was still alright for them to be friends despite what he had done, he couldn't.  
"Well Sato-chan, I hope you will be happy with... Kasumi." Shigeru said as his tears keept rolling down his face.

**FIN! …. review and tell me what you think :3**


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